Realize These Three Things, To Learn How to Forgive
Your future self will thank you.
Do you fight with forgiveness in a wrestling match? As it tries to tug your heart into forgiving someone who has wronged you. I can relate.
I’m positive we’ve all struggled with unforgiveness. Although it is not a place anyone likes to be, let’s be honest.
Pain is inevitable; though challenging, I believe it is necessary for growth within ourselves.
We know that people are hurting, and as the old saying goes,
“Hurt, people, hurt people.”
Thus, forcing us to learn the great gift we call forgiveness.
I’m sure there was a time when you were hurting and ended up hurting someone else due to the built-up anger and suppression of emotions. Be honest. It may not have been purposeful, but it happened. It’s tough being the person hurting and then having to forgive and love well. It doesn’t seem fair.
But truthfully, unforgiveness holds you back from many good things in life like:
- Trusting decent people.
- Having peace through each day.
- Getting necessary rest.
- Moving forward in life.
The list could drag on. These are just a few that come to mind. Forgiveness is necessary to keep the world going round. When we forgive, growth and change are possible. Making us better humans in which we treat people with more grace when they hurt us.
I believe we send waves within our own body from unforgiveness, decaying our thought process, peace, and organs.
Let’s remember unforgiveness does not stand alone. It stands with bitterness, anger, suppression of feelings and thoughts, stress, anxiety, and more.
Realize the other person is not thinking about how they hurt you, at least not in the way you are replaying their words or actions in your mind. Telling yourself, ‘they do not deserve to be forgiven.’ ‘There is no way I can forgive them.’
Mahatma Gandhi said it well.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
Do you believe you have the strength to forgive? Because I know you do. You can forgive, no matter what has happened to you. I am not saying it will be easy because growth and change are not. I know this all too well. My husband has told me plenty of times,
“you cannot let people control how you are going to feel.”
Holding onto unforgiveness means you have opened the door for that person to control your emotions. Because you believe you can’t let what they said or did go.
Before I married my husband, I struggled daily with unforgiveness. One instance that haunted me after graduating high school was quitting the track team during my senior year.
I was a top hurdler, never losing. Unfortunately, I dabbled with drugs and lost my first race, which made me feel mortified because I knew why.
I replayed those moments in my mind years after. I did not forgive myself for the opportunities I had missed. But one day, I realized I could not take those moments back. I had to move on and remind myself I am still happy with how my life turned out.
I believe self-forgiveness is just as hard, if not harder than forgiving someone else.
I can be the first to tell you it is not a fun place to be. If you are wrestling with unforgiveness, I know you don’t want to be in that match anymore. So here are three reasons why unforgiveness hurts you, along with steps to begin your forgiveness process.
Three reasons why unforgiveness hurts you
- You’re the one who continually replays the thoughts in your mind. You are the only one who is thinking, ‘it’s unfair how I feel.’ This mindset affects you daily, no one else.
- It affects your organs and overall health in many ways. Kate Magese stated that researchers report 61% of cancer patients struggle with unforgiveness.
- It keeps you from growing within yourself, holding you back from your fullest potential in life.
“The optimist sees the donut; the pessimist sees the hole.” — Oscar Wilde
When you choose unforgiveness, you continually see unfairness. And yes, I said ‘you choose,’ don’t be upset with me, please. I promise I am not diminishing your pain. I am merely wanting to bring you into a world where thousands of people choose life when fed up with living in agony because of unforgiveness.
Although we cannot help the sadness when someone hurts us, we can choose if it will haunt us for the rest of our lives.
Remember, you choose to see the hole in the donut, which equates to all the reasons why you must be angry and cannot forgive. I am going to help you shift your mindset and begin forgiving right now.
Steps towards forgiveness
A small exercise:
Sit still! Take four big, slow, deep breaths. BIGGER, SLOWER.
Think of a person you are struggling to forgive and the situation that happened.
Say this with me, ‘yes, it hurt, yes, it was unfair, yes, it has been hard to move past it.’
Now say, ‘it is normal to feel angry; it is normal to feel pain, But it is not normal to hang on to these emotions past their deadline.’
Now say, ‘I choose not to allow (insert person’s name here) to control my emotions any longer. I will not suffer anymore because of what they did or said.’
Now say, ‘I forgive (insert person’s name here), even if it is yourself.’
Lastly, tell yourself, ‘I am capable of forgiving.’
Realize the person who hurt you is not drowning in thoughts as you are. So why should you be the only one suffering?
Remind yourself daily that it is okay to let things go. Letting things go means you are growing, and growth equals a better life. To have a great life, you must forgive. Remember, it is not for them, but yourself.
I challenge you to do this exercise at least three times this week. Will you do it?
If so, please comment and let me know if this helped you. Even being more mindful of the emotions you’re feeling fuels growth.
Here is a short one-minute poem I wrote on pain, enjoy.
I appreciate you for reading.
Please comment and highlight what resonated with you.
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